Expectations…

So, when I decided to drop out from university I brought many people to surprise with my decision. For starters, the people who love me were very worried, trying to warn me that if I start traveling now -like I wanted to- before I get a degree, I will most likely love that life and end up with no degree at all. I understand their concerns.

Some of the people who loved me were both shocked and disappointed. I mean, growing up, sometimes the people close to you have some visions about you, some dreams for you. Not in a bad way, they want the best for you most of the time; but sometimes they get confused between what is truly best for you, and what they think is best for you. And these two are often very, very different.

So, when it comes to people expecting things from you, it is quite hard to shift from the ‘wanting to please everyone’ attitude, to the ‘well, I do what makes me happy’ attitude. And when that happens you go into a little war with the ones who are honest enough to tell you their opinion in your face.

When I announced my dropping out of uni, I felt like explaining to everyone why I took that decision and why it was the right thing to do. I wanted to make them agree with me that I was in fact doing the right thing. But you see, what I was trying to do was in fact kind of stupid. For many reasons.

One of them is that if you have the need to make everyone agree with you then it most likely means that you are lacking some kind of trust in yourself, and you are seeking validation from others for your decisions and actions. And anyway, you shouldn’t even need people to agree with you…

Looking back to that period of my life, I know I did many mistakes which without them I wouldn’t be able to improve myself. Because of those mistakes, I have learned that when no one expects something from you, you have the chance to focus on what you want. The only person you are trying to satisfy is yourself. And I don’t mean this in a selfish way. I mean, when it comes to how you live your life, I believe you should be the one you are striving to make happy.

I have also learned to let go of the need to be right all the time or having people agree with me. And this is very cool. I can’t even tell you. I mean, when I know what is right for me and I must prove nothing to no one, then I am free to listen to new perspectives, to challenge my thinking, to ask questions and learn, and not to get offended easily.

And also, another thing I have learned by this situation is that the people around you who are worried, and express their ideas and maybe disagree with what you are doing, are probably the ones who care. So if you look at it that way, you will be able to put aside your ego, and clearly see that the ‘criticism and the maybe bitterness’ comes from love. Not always — but maybe it is a possibility.

So if I were to say one last thing, I believe that communicating what you feel is one of the most important things in a relationship. Say it! Whatever is bothering you or making you feel uncomfortable. Deal with it openly with the other person. Do it with love though, and respect. That way, you’ll probably notice that you will be growing so much in your relationships it might even empower you!